We’re getting to squeaky bum time, only a few matches left, it being two rounds to go. Madness. We still don’t have a lock in for the top four yet, let alone a clue who will have the Premiership bragging rights. You know how sometimes I say during Match Day Monday “I’m going rogue”, well this week I’m feeling the wild side. The increasing temperature is aiding this, so we are definitely going rogue, but with predictions. All season I’ve given you serious predictions, with a hint of funny. This week is the reverse. What’s the most ridiculous thing you can come up with? Well it’s going to happen here on Prediction Thursday.
So buckle up buddy, we’re in for a ride through the forest, with no clean sheets in sight.
Western Sydney Wanderers v Perth Glory
Close your eyes and just imagine. The Wanderers can build off the momentum from a win against Adelaide, whilst Perth throw some more wobblies having lost momentum faster than a wrecking ball after their last outing saw them throw away three points against Newcastle.
Here’s how it’s going to happen. Ledbrook. Ledbrook is going to turn it up yeah. In a performance that will lead many to consider her as a candidate for FIFA Best, Ledbrook will go full throttle to expose Perth’s central midfield for what it is. A midfield that is over reliant on Stanton. With the wind also providing a massive advantage, Ledbrook will ride those winds better than a sailor. The way she pings in two goals from 30 yards out that are just far too illusive for poor Campbell in goal to read them well enough to save. Further, when the first half whistle should’ve gone, Yeoman-Dale will be tackled in the box. Appeals for a red card will be waved off by the referee, but Ledbrook will take the kick and score her hattrick all before half time, giving her the ability to be subbed off at the break and get home in time for a decent bedtime with her kids.
The Wanderers will magically manage to have a rock solid defence that deal with the Kerr, Hill and Mautz combinations up to the 80th minute. There will be fouls, Krammer will again somehow avoid being sent off. On the 80th minute Kerr will be frustrated and decide to pull out the special sauce, going to mega hulk levels and to do it solo. Every goal will be the same, Kerr winning the ball off a midfielder, turning towards goal and hitting it sweetly into the top corner, whilst the Wanderers players continue to ball watch as if they were still watching the Australian Open on the tele. Kerr will bag a hattrick to level the score.
Somehow Kerr has been given extra time to score these, as three minutes turns into an eternity, or ten. However, somehow the ball is up with the Wanderer’s attacking half for the first time all half. And who is that making a run behind the defence? It’s flaming Khamis, finding that deadly pace she was once known for. Addo will read the run like a librarian reads a book, to slot it beautifully between the centre backs, where Khamis will receive, dribble, drop the shoulder to fool Campbell and walk the ball into the net. Wanderers have won. The whistle blows. Absolute scenes.
Prediction: Western Sydney Wanderers 4 – 3 Sydney FC
Brisbane Roar v Canberra United
You know how either of these teams could have a thunder delay with the weather they often bring? Well I’m going to go with the opposite, there will be a freak cold front all the way from Tassie and every player on the park will be donning long sleeves and gloves. Further Canberra somehow get O’Sullivan back for the last two games of the season. How? I don’t know, the media manager won’t know and Heather Garriock sure as hell won’t be telling us, but it will happen with NC Courage’s blessings. Oh and Gorry plays with her moon boot, which the referee totally permits.
Now to the game. After a false start, like a swimmer falling off the podium early, rather here a team kicks off before either goalkeeper have left the sideline and actually reached their usual penalty area position, it will be one hell of a ride. Fouls will be flying, because we are in Brisbane after all. Bourille will do a fancy trick every single time she touches the ball. O’Sullivan will be working hard, doing the leg work, but will start to bemoan a lack of a centre forward. In response Garriock will eventually just sub herself in, having already subbed in Sykes at the 15 minutes mark for a winger who was actually playing well but missed a sitter. This all accumulates in promoting injured Tash Prior to coach Canberra from the sidelines.
Who wins? It’ll in fact be a dog who finds a way on the pitch, save the penalty Garriock earned for diving. On the counter, while Garriock is fuming to the ref about a random dog on the field, Yuki will have the ball at feet, punt it up to Gorry, who is well offside, in her moonboot, but forgotten by the lines referee. Gorry will receive the ball, the lines ref will consider her onside some how, and Brisbane will score the winner. People will be fuming, but Brisbane will get the hard fought win, all thanks to a dog and a moon boot wearing Katrina Gorry, who was marvellously offside, but the goal allowed.
Rumour will have it the Roar Corp will give their player of the match orange to this hero dog and have a chant prepared for their next match.
Prediction: Brisbane Roar 2 – 1 Canberra United
Adelaide United v Newcastle Jets
Sprinkler football. We’re introducing it here for the Adelaide because it’s Hot with a capital H. So the rules for Sprinkler football, we’ve got some super large sprinklers replacing the corner flags, so now corners are taken like hockey short corners in compensation. Adelaide, being the warm place it is, have come prepared for this. All week they’ve been practicing under the sprinklers after their Icelandic duo demanded it, having come from the cold of Europe over their international break. Newcastle aren’t total foreigners to the concept, but no, they haven’t added it to their training schedule yet.
The game starts, the pitch is slipping and sliding. The referee decides to give no compensation for the field, giving out yellows for all the gnarly slide tackles which occur across the pitch. Within the first 20 minutes there will be a red card to Newcastle’s only outfield international player left on the park in Wright. By this point Wright will have already bagged a double and think she’d put her team in a good position to get some points. However we will all remember here, two nil is a dangerous score line. With Wright dismissed, Adelaide remember their training in the wet conditions. Suddenly Adelaide will wake up. Also helping is Newcastle will wind up with 9 players by half time, for a rogue tackle on Willacy, who is time wasting for some unknown reason.
Heyman will be Adelaide’s talisman. Taking the reins off Latsko for goalscoring duties, Heyman will score a hattrick and produce an assist before being subbed off in the 75th minute to standing ovation and the Adelaide faithful screeching her name. Newcastle won’t know what hit them. They will have started the match with three in the back, but with a two goal lead and caution in the wind with the new sprinkler set up, and even fewer players on the half by the second half, the side will convert to two in the back. Chaos.
Prediction: Adelaide United 5 – 2 Newcastle Jets
Melbourne Victory v Sydney FC
For some unknown reason, Dowie and Foord meet together before the match, play a game of scissors, paper, rock. If Dowie wins, Foord has to wear proper pants the next time she is on the Fox Sports W-League analysis panel. If Foord wins, the two have to switch goal celebrations for the week. Dowie loses, heartbreakingly meaning she has to “play it cool” for any goal celebration and more or less look slightly annoyed that someone else couldn’t do it. Meanwhile Foord has to live up to her end of the bargain and put in some effort, with a classic skip and fist pump, if she scores (secretly she’ll love it).
The new venue for the match will be one with a slant worse than that table you always end up with, at the one bakery you just can’t help going to. With the advantage of the first half slant, Victory will run away with the game. For some unknown reason, Sydney will start with Ibini at right back. Gielnick will expose the right back situation, supply Dowie with a couple absolute quality crosses, where Dowie will score and the crowds will somewhat be confused that she gives very little away for the celebration. Dowie will try and explain it in the post match press conference and suddenly people will “get it”.
Enter the second half, and De Vanna is still not on the field but Sydney now have the advantage of the down hill slant and momentum. It’s getting tight, Foord has pulled a goal back, thanks to cleaning up an opportunity created by a McCaskill bicycle kick pummelling off the top cross bar. Sydney will get a penalty. There’s half an hour to go, and the ref will be signalling for a substitution. It’ll be De Vanna, however she will be wearing a Victory shirt. None of the officials question it, obviously an agreement has been reached between the forward and coaches on the bench after De Vanna was told she won’t be on the pitch until the 80th minute by Ante, whilst Hopkins offers her the half an hour, so De Vanna makes the switch mid-game. Donning a Victory shirt, De Vanna will enter the field. Penalty will be scored by Foord, who will go on to celebrate right in front of the confused Melbourne crowd.
It’ll all come down to the wire, with Victory players confused as to whether De Vanna is actually wearing the right shirt, and Sydney players happy to just go with the flow. There will be a miscommunication between De Vanna and Dowie, due to their differing accents. Kennedy will pick up the scraps, ball at her feet, centre back runs for days and will thunder a winner home with mere minutes left. Sydney have the three points and IT’S COMING HOME!
Prediction: Melbourne Victory 2 – 3 Sydney FC